The Third Wheel
by DaughterPolymnia
Summary: Ft. MotherMnemosyne When [Younger!]Vanellope wants to take she and Ralph's relationship to the next level, he knows better than his pint sized sidekick the limits of how far they can go. But now, with the help of a charming young Sugar Rush racer named Cottlin Candyspun, Ralph believes he's found the key to the intimacy that both he and Vanellope desire. Lemon in separate chapters
1. Chapter 1

Ralph, feeling miserable, lumbered around the race track, searching. The girls had all mentioned some racer in blue... Spotting a flash of turquoise and brown, he turns and finds the one. "Hey, umm... Are you ...Cottlin Candysomething?"

The young man turned, and Ralph was mildly bewildered. He didn't know what to expect when it came to the racers' themes, but he certainly didn't expect a throw back to the Doo-wop age of the 1950's. The little boy had the biggest blue eyes Ralph had ever seen, his swirled, slicked pompadour matching the aquamarine hues of not just his eyes, but his motorcycle jacket and jeans. The young fair haired boy turned on his toes and looked the giant up and down. His eyebrows flew up in sudden recognition, and a smile spread across his face. "Ah you Wreck-It Ralph?" he piped.

"Uh...yeah." He was surprised that the racer would have heard of him, despite having helped save the game last year. "Listen... this is incredibly awkward for me, but I need your help. Could we talk somewhere more private?" The wrecker glanced around track, anxiously watching to see if Vanellope noticed anything. So far, the president's attention was on setting up the next Random Roster Race, which wouldn't begin for another half hour. "Maybe somewhere close. You know, where no one can see-"

The moment he could, Cottlin butted in, knees bending as he does a double fist-pump. "Oh man! Ah am _so_ cranked ta meetcha dude!" He thrust his palm forward, shockingly similar to how Vanellope had done the day they met. "Name's Cottlin! Cottlin Candyspun!"

"Oh, uh, great. Nice to meet you too," he said, uncharacteristically quiet as he shook the offered hand. Ralph's gaze shot up again, afraid that the noise would have attracted her attention, but Vanellope was speaking with Sour Bill and facing away. "Look, we really need to get somewhere... That's... Away from here, before-" Seeing Vanellope stand, he dropped to his stomach, trying to unsuccessfully hide behind Cottlin's kart. Luckily, Vanellope walked around in the opposite direction to examine some charts Taffyta was holding, and did not notice him.

"Alright Big Daddy, Ah can see you're in a jam. Let's bounce before dey spot us." Side trotting around Ralph, he gestured to hurry and turned to dart between two sets of stands. His anxiety alleviated, Ralph hurried to follow, breathing a sigh of relief as he entered the bleachers' shadow.

"Oh, thank you. I don't want her to see me..." He plopped down on the ground, leaning against the sugary purple side of the structure and burying his face in his hands. "I just didn't know what else to do."

"What's on your mind, Smalls?" asked Cottlin, "Didn't know you was on da run."

"I'm not 'on the run'," he responded grumpily. "It's just... you know, Vanellope and I have gotten very close over the last few months. Very close. Really, REALLY close. " He gave Cottlin a meaningful look, silently begging him to hear what he was trying to say and couldn't. "And now... I think she's starting to lose interest."

Cottlin's eyes widened understandingly, before crumpling with sympathy. "Oh man, Smalls, ain't that a bite?"

"You said it. And you know, I think based on what she's told me, that it's our ... er... limitations." Face burning, Ralph forced himself to continue. "You know, there's only so many things we can do that don't pose a danger to her if I were to get too excited." He shook his head. "I can't believe I'm telling you this! But I don't have any friends who could understand or help."

Cottlin gave the wrecker a lop-sided, adoring grin. "Ya got _me_, Big Daddy. And I'm willin' ta help out a girl and her best man," he elbowed the back of Ralph's hand and winked at the giant. "Now, what's dis favor?"

.

.

.

.

It was finally closing time, and with the Random Roster Race finished, President von Schweetz was finally able to meet Ralph. She still liked spending time with him, but it did seem like some of the spark had gone out of their relationship. He was so careful and delicate with her, and she could feel his restraint making the whole thing boring now, instead of romantic.

Vanellope skipped as she rounded the corner into the main cavern of Diet Cola Mountain, coming to a halt suddenly at the sight of a blue-haired racer before her. "Cottlin?" she asked, sounding confused but pleased. "What are you doing here? Where's Mr. Stink Brain?"

Cottlin smiled at her. "I went by Crumbelina's earlier today and one uh her neighbors had baked a whole buncha caramel brownies." He held up a small basket. "I got a hold a some if ya like," he offered, cocking a smarmy eyebrow he knew would make her melt.

"Oh," she said, more quietly than usual as her cheeks reddened at his attention. "Ah... sure, I suppose a few brownies couldn't hurt. You gonna hangout with me and the Big Guy today then?" she invited casually.

"Yeh yeh, of course! He's gonna meet up wid us later. But they's plenty, we can go ahead and start eatin'."

"Thanks!" She eagerly took one of the brownies and downed half of it in one bite. "Oh, wow!" she said around her mouthful, eyes widening. "These taste amazing! You should try one!"

"Oh I know, right?" He asked, his eyes widening endearingly. "Dey're hip."

Vanellope was eagerly eating her second brownie as she sat on the edge of her bed when Ralph came into the cave proper, looking more concerned than the president thought was normal. "Hey, Ralph," she exclaimed excitedly, "look who's joining us!"

Trying to smile, the large man turned to Cottlin. "Hi, there. How are things... going?"

"Ooo, Ralph! Try one of these brownies!" Vanellope urged. She was starting on a third herself.

"Cool it Cherry," Cottlin eased on her, placing his hand on the back of hers to still it. "I haven't even finish my first yet," he laughed, finishing said brownie and looking to Ralph. "And we gotta save a couple, at least, for Big Daddy here."

Ralph took the offering and ate it in one bite. "Hey, those are really good. Did you make them, Cottlin?" As far as Ralph knew, making brownies for a girl wasn't necessarily a part of the process when trying to charm her, but it certainly seemed to be doing the trick with this one.

"Nah," Cottlin said as he oh-so-casually reached over to gently wipe away a small crumb of the brownie from Vanellope's lip. "I picked 'em up on the way over."

"Oh." That puzzled him a bit, but he found himself watching transfixed as the boy's finger brushed Vanellope's mouth. She seemed interested too, as she was blushing so brightly. "Well, thanks. Have you two talked about... anything?" He knew he was terrible at this sort of thing, and trying to be vague like this was probably about as effective as blurting the whole plan out, but Vanellope seemed distracted.

"Not much, Big Daddy." He patted the edge of the cake-bed. "Have a seat."

He was sabotaging this himself, he could tell, but he did as Cottlin asked, sitting on Vanellope's other side.

Looking around, seemingly in a daze, Vanellope leaned over onto him, plopping her legs up on Cottlin's lap. "Wow, look how pretty all that bubbling cola is," she said happily, running her hands up and down her arms slowly.

Cottlin chuckled and smiled down at her. "Feelin' good, Cherry?" he asked.

"Yes!" She smiled brightly. Her hands moved down her sides and upper thighs, and she kicked her shoes off onto the floor, alternately stroking her foot up her own leg and Cottlin's, and turning her head into Ralph's warmth. "I feel amazing!"

Ralph looked down in alarm. "Hey, you okay, kid?"

Sighing contentedly, she sighed. "Oh, yeah." She gazed up at him, then at Cottlin, who she was still occasionally brushing with her foot.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I'm goin' eat dem toes," he played, taking hold of her big and little toe in his hands and pretending to nibble at them.

As Vanellope giggled and tried to pull her foot back, Ralph found himself staring. They looked good together, he thought. His brain was going a little foggy, and instead of feeling embarrassed or pained as he imagined what this could end up like, he found he could think of it calmly now. "So, Vanellope," he began, before she quickly interrupted him.

Vanellope crawled back on the bed suddenly, trying to pull Ralph with her by the hand.

"Ralph, come on, I need you," she said breathlessly.

Cottlin's eyebrows flew up again. "Need 'im?" he asked.

"Well, I... uh... That is..." he stuttered, suddenly flustered again.

Ralph was beginning to suspect there had been something in the brownies Cottlin had provided, especially as Vanellope threw all inhibitions to the wind, announcing, "I'm tired of playing around, Stink Brain." She took her hood off, running her hands up her arms, over her shoulders and down her chest. "I want you, for real. NOW."

"I... can't..." The denial cost him. He fell to his knees next to the bed, looking tortured. "You'd be hurt, and I..." He looked to Cottlin for help, unable to continue.

He gave Ralph a quick sympathetic look before turning to Vanellope. "Cherry," he said, taking her hand. "Why don'.. You and I... Put on a little show for Ralph, here?" he asked.

"A show?" she said dreamily, with a soft smile. Her idle hands had dropped to her skirt, inching it up over her thighs as she considered the offer. "That sounds so nice. Would you like to watch, Ralph?"

Ralph nodded hastily. "Yeah, yes, that'd be- That's what I want." It wasn't completely a lie, and the truth would hurt too much. Besides, he was starting to be interested in what could happen here.

Cottlin gave Vanellope a sultry look. "When you're ready, Cherry," he smiled, offering her his lap.

.

.

.

.

As she calmed, moving over to lay between the two men, she sighed happily. Ralph kissed her gently as she caught her breath, then, surprising her, he leaned over to lightly kiss Cottlin too. He looked a little shy as he pulled back, possibly scared he had overstepped some invisible boundary. "Uh.. Sorry... if you didn't...?" he trailed off, suddenly looking unsure.

Cottlin waved a dismissive had at him. "You worry too much," he said, grinning slightly. "But you're a good kisser," he said teasingly, batting his eyelashes at the wrecker.

Blushing furiously, Ralph slid his arm under both of their heads, watching Vanellope yawn widely. "Tired, sweetheart?"

The girl nodded, turning into him and snuggling close. "You two Dumbos wore me out!" she complained happily.

Cottlin watched them for a moment, the way Vanellope seemed to fit perfectly in Ralph's arms, the way he smiled as she cuddled against him, how they seemed to need no one else but themselves. Slowly, politely, Cottlin turned away from the couple to slide off the edge of the bed, bending to retrieve his clothing.

"Hey," Ralph called quietly. It appeared Vanellope was asleep already, so he struggled before softly saying. "I don't... I mean, thank you. You dont have to go, if you don't want to."

"Oh, dat's okay," he said, giving Ralph a very believable reassuring smile. "Ya wouldn't want me around anyways, I'd just.. Take up space," he murmured, scratching the back of his hand, his melancholy eyes glued to them. "Ya gotcha Cherry, and.. Well, who wants a little kid around when dey're trying ya sleep, uh?" He met Ralph's eyes again, the same look shining in his expression toward the man, albeit his attempt to conceal it.

He shimmied into his bright jeans an dark shirt as he spoke, the contrast in color making him look taller, masculine for his age, Ralph thought.

Still self conscious, Ralph didn't protest again, watching him get dressed sadly. "Well, we'll be seeing you around, I suppose..." he said lamely, suddenly uncomfortable where he had been completely at ease minutes before. He pulled the comforter over himself and Vanellope. "I'd like to, anyway."

"Yeah," Cottlin replied, "If she's up for it, I mean," he motioned to Vanellope.

Ralph nodded and finally settled next to Vanellope, closing his eyes. He wasn't asleep, listening. "Thanks, again," he mumbled, feeling it was inadequate.

A short pause followed before Cottlin's quiet, small voice. "May ah have a hug..?"

Ralph cracked his eyes back open and slid carefully to sit on the edge of the bed, the blanket still over him. His huge hand pulled Cottlin up into his lap, where he held the boy tenderly. He leaned down to kiss his forehead, inhaling the sweet scent of spun sugar.

He could feel the small little bundle chuckle against his chest in silent laughter as they embraced, and as Cottlin relaxed against him, he could feel his tiny fingertips gripping his shirt, as if trying to pull him closer, or reluctant to let go.

"Bye," Cottlin whispered against Ralph's chest before finally slipping off his lap and taking off, grabbing up his jacket as he went. Ears burning, Ralph watched Cottlin leave, wishing he could call him back. After a moment, he crawled back next to Vanellope. He felt confused, like he'd just lost something he didn't really have yet to begin with.

Sleep was a long time coming.

**Fin**


	2. The Neighbors

**Author's message**

**Hey y'all, so here's Chapter 2. Unfortunately, Mother Mnemosyne and I lost contact with each other shortly **

**after the beginning of next chapter, so after that I will writing the story solely on my own. I might not be as**

**good a Ralph and Vanellope as Mnemosyne was, but I'll certainly try my best. **

**Also, if you want the smut parts posted, just let me know in a review and I'll post them as separate stories **

**on my profile.**

**Enjoy Chapter 2!**

* * *

Cottlin couldn't help but feel lighter than air the days following he Vanellope and Ralph's evening together. Welcome jitterbugs danced under his skin and in his heart from morning to next, giving him such euphoria he didn't bother even trying in the nightly Random Roster Races or during the day. He and the duo spent every waking hour together, Ralph lumbering to and from the game gates with both hot-rodders on his shoulders. Cottlin would sneak her palm into his behind Ralph's head, but it was a secret he and the princess cherished.

One especially bright shiny day in Sugar Rush, Cottlin went to the castle, searching for her company, only to be shooed away by Sour Bill and his somber words that the President was not there. Noting that as peculiar, he escorted himself to Ralph's home game in search of a familiar face for company. Cottlin thought the train into Ralph's home was a bit peculiar in its shape and size, and when it pulled to a stop at the station in Fix-It Felix Jr., his jaw dropped.

To his right Cottlin saw a small urban community, the small square windows aglow with light, and to his left towered a monstrous building, surely the biggest building in HISTORY, he thought. Cottlin smiled. "That must be where Big Daddy lives!" he proclaimed looking up at the bright, tall windows circumnavigating the top floor. He de-boarded the train, his brown boots tapping on the pixelated sidewalk. Fascinated, Cottlin bent down to run his fingertips over the brick and concrete. "Retro," he mused to himself, smiled, then took off at a steady jog toward West Niceland.

.

.

.

.

"Fix-it, get the door!" Calhoun bellowed. The doorbell had rang three times now, and despite living here part time, she still didn't like to answer to door. Sometimes the vapid Nicelanders got under her skin.

"I can't stop stirring the gravy, Pumpkin!" he responded from the kitchen. "Can you get it for me, honey-lamb?"

Swearing under her breath, she threw down the book she was reading and stormed to the door, slamming it open and yelling, "What?" She did a double take as she saw the boy on the other side with light-blue, feathery hair and big blue eyes. "Who're you?"

The little boy jumped at her harsh voice. "ME? Who're you? Isn't this Big Daddy's pad?" Cottlin asked, trying to peek around the sergeant's voluptuous legs to see if the wrecker was inside somewhere.

"Felix!" she shouted over her shoulder, "Some kid from Sugar Rush is calling you 'Big Daddy'! Want me to throw him out?"

"Oh, no, Sugar, invite them in!" he called back, his head peeking around the door. "I'm so sorry! Come on into the kitchen."

Cottlin regarded Felix with a quizzical look. "You're not Big Daddy," he said slowly, shaking his head and regarding the woman once more. "Look, where's Ralph?"

"Oh, are you an acquaintance of Ralph's?" Felix asked politely, coming forward to shake his hand warmly. "So pleased to meet you! I'm Fix-it Felix, Jr., and this is my beautiful Tammy."

"Sergeant Calhoun," she corrected gruffly.

"And who might you be?" Felix asked charmingly.

" ... Cottlin," the boy replied, "Cottlin Candyspun."

"My lands, what a unique name!" Felix said, ushering him inside. "Now, Ralph's place is down by the dump, come to the window and I'll show you! Do you know Vanellope too?"

Cottlin's cheeks flared. "Kinda..." He murmured as he entered the room, eyeing Calhoun nervously.

"Well, she's such a sweet young lady- Now, you can see Ralph's shack right there," Felix said cheerfully. "His chimney's a'goin', so I bet he's home. Tammy, why don't you and Cottlin go invite him to dinner?"

The sergeant examined him thoughtfully for a moment. "Yeah, all right. Come on, kid." She grabbed his hand and strode purposefully out of the apartment, dragging Cottlin along in her wake. Cottlin only had time to toss Felix a rushed 'seeya' as he and Calhoun marched out of the apartment and out of Felix's sight.

Tamora was not a kid person. She just wasn't the motherly sort. But as she glanced at Cottlin, who was smiling at her despite her rough treatment of them, she found herself softening. "Look kid. Sorry about earlier. You seem like a nice guy."

"Is alright," he said, stuffing his hands into the warmth of his pockets.

.

.

.

.

They were only about twenty yards from Ralph's home when a strange wailing sound coming from it made her pause. "That's new."

Cottlin bolted ahead of her, rushing faster than his cart to pounce on Ralph's front porch, being sure to come down hard. He pounded the door with his fist, almost making the hinges rattle. "HEY, BIGDADDY RALPHIE! IT'S COTTLIN AND-... TALL LOUD LADY!"

There was deafening silence for a moment, then Vanellope's trembling voice said, "Oh, Cottlin, you made it finally! Hold on just a second!" As she spoke there was a loud crashing noise, and a moment later the door opened. Ralph's bulk hid most of the interior, but Vanellope was just visible past him, adjusting her skirt.

"You know Sergeant Calhoun?" Ralph asked, looking a little flushed.

Cottlin hid his red face in his hand. "We jus' met." He replied, trying not to laugh.

"Is the Sugar Queen all right?" Calhoun asked as she arrived. "I thought I heard something..."

Laughing nervously, Vanellope put a hand on Ralph's. "Oh, Sarge, I'm fine."

The blonde raised one eyebrow, crossing her arms. "Why are you so red, Cupcake?"

"Oh... ah... Bat Breath over here was...uh... tickling me!" She looked imploring up at Ralph, who nodded frantically. Cottlin tried his hardest not to laugh at the exchange. He didn't dare laugh either, for he knew his sniggering would betray them. Calhoun didn't look convinced.

Vanellope decided to distract her. "Cottlin, why did it take you so long? I left a note on my door for you."

"Givin' my kart an oil change," he said, surprisingly composed. "Why was yous guys ticklin'?"

Ralph's face turned beet red, but Vanellope seemed unfazed. "We thought you might _enjoy_ a good tickle fight with us, but when you were running a little late we thought we'd get started without you..." She raised her eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, well keep your weird activities to yourselves," Calhoun said, looking exasperated, "Fix-it wants you to come to dinner with your little friend."

"Sounds good!" Ralph said with false cheer.

"Yeh, seeya up dere!" Cottlin said, turning on his heel and closing Ralph's door.

.

.

.

.

When Ralph and Vanellope finally left the cramped darkness that was his shack, Felix was busy grilling up their dinner as Cottlin and Calhoun spread out the picnic blanket. The little blue racer smiled up at the giant lumbering towards him, smiling wider at the licorice wrapped girl perched atop his shoulder.

"Hey there, brother!" Felix chirped, smiling widely as everyone gathered around the blanket and Cottlin echoed Felix's greeting.

Smiling, Ralph patted his fluffy hair and sat down, still partially off the blanket. Vanellope sat right next to Cottlin, leaning over to whisper, "Thanks for earlier." Then, more loudly, she asked, "So, what's for supper tonight?"

Felix was dishing up plates. "I made us a good hearty dinner tonight, little lady! Mashed potatoes, chicken fried steaks, and green beans!" None of this sounded appealing to the president, and she didn't hesitate to make a face.

"You could at least try it, President Doody Pants," Ralph teased.

She looked to Cottlin for support. Just as she hoped, he put on a dramatic display. He gripped his throat and made a terrible choking sound, accompanied by just as terrible a face before falling backward onto the grass, his little foot stiff and aloft.

Vanellope laughed uproariously, and a huge smile spread over Ralph's face. "Yeah, well, more for me."

"Do you need help with anything, Fix-it?" Calhoun asked, handing one piled plate to the wrecker.

"Nah, I've got it, Pumpkin." He paused to plant a quick peck on her cheek, and she flushed for a second before regaining her composure.

Cottlin sat bolt upright, staring at the couple. "... Cut the gas," he stated.

The sergeant turned to look at him, as did her husband. "What?" Felix asked cluelessly. "Something wrong, brother?"

Cottlin gestured at Felix. "You jacketed _her_?" he asked.

"Uh... Yes?" the superintendent answered. "We've been married for just under a year now..." He was watching his wife carefully, hoping she didn't plant one on the kid for the question.

Cottlin grinned up at the blond army woman. "Ya putcha standards pretty high, uh?" She nodded once, stiffly, and turned away. To an outsider she probably looked angry, but Felix, Ralph, and Vanellope knew she was just embarrassed.

Ralph tried to lighten the mood by beginning to eat. "Good chow, Felix," he said, gravy dripping from the corner of his mouth.

As Vanellope and Felix began to discuss what happened in their absences, Tamora Calhoun felt a tiny prod in her side, just under her ribs, and her body twinged at the tickle.

"What?" she said sharply, looking down to see what the boy was doing. Smiling brighter than day, not batting an eye at her grumpy look, Cottlin offered her a steaming plate of food that had been passed around to him. "Ah... Thank you." She attempted a smile as she took the plate, which probably came across as more of a grimace. "That was...nice."

"Cherry, you ain't gotta smile if ya don't wanna," he replied, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"I guess I'm not much for smiling." She was really starting to like this kid. He spoke his mind, and she respected that in a man. "Thanks for understanding."

"Don' got da cheekbones for it anyway," he grinned.

"Gee, you sure know how to charm a lady," she razzed. She stuck her fork into the fried steak on her plate, flipped it upside down so the whole thing was resting on the utensil, and took a big bite.

Felix was watching the two interact with a little wonderment, and a lot of gratitude. He loved to see his gal making new friends. When everyone was eating, he plopped next to her and started tucking in to his own dinner. "So, you're a racer in Sugar Rush, are you?" he asked Cottlin.

"Oh, yeah, he's very good. Not as good as _me_," Vanellope qualified, "But very good."

"I almost got you today, jack chocolate-rabbit," he said, grabbing her side.

"Yeah, right." She rolled her eyes. "I let you get that close."

Ralph had given up on using the tiny fork Felix had provided him with and was eating everything with his hands, even the mashed potatoes, which also seemed to currently be smeared around his lips and cheeks. He looked up as Vanellope finished. "You gonna let her say that?" he asked challengingly, voice muffled around a mouthful of food.

"I'll get her latuh," he replied calmly, sending a devious glare in her direction. It vanished before anyone else could see it, his trademark smile back in it's place.

Vanellope's heart jumped a little at his declaration, but she managed to control the glitch that almost escaped and just kept calmly eating, a little smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, right."

Ralph's plate was mostly empty at this point, his hands and face covered in food-debris. "Could I have some more, Felix?" he asked sadly, looking at the huge bowl of potatoes.

"You got it, brother!" he hopped up and scooped more of everything onto Ralph's plate. "Glad yer enjoyin' it!"

Cottlin and Calhoun, much to Felix's delight, chatted for the rest of dinner, Cottlin completely engrossed in Calhoun's description of Hero's Duty, and her position as sergeant. "Can ah hold ya gun?" He asked excitedly at one point, putting his hands on her thigh to reach up to her.

She held it away. "No," she said sternly. "This is not a toy, it's a deadly weapon. You aren't in your game; what if I let you play with this beauty, you shot your sorry self, and didn't regenerate?"

"Ah'll be careful ah promise!" he whined "Pleeeeease?"

She considered, then turned the safety on and handed to him. "Be _very_ careful."

Cottlin lifted it from her hand as gently as if it were a baby bird. He looked at it in awe, biting his lip excitedly. 'This is _like crazy_," he quietly squealed to himself.

She watched him examine it thoughtfully. "You know," she said slowly, "If you wanted to learn how to use one of those, I could probably show you the ropes sometime." The offer had slipped out before she had time to consider it, but she liked this kid, and she liked the respect he showed for her weapon. His ecstatic smile was upon her before she knew it "Really?"

"Sure."

Vanellope looked offended. "Hey, lady! How come you never offered to teach me that?"

"You never seemed interested," she said, shrugging.

The president made an exasperated noise, but bounced forward to grab a handful of napkins. "Sit still, Potato Face, I'm gonna clean ya off."

Ralph scowled as she hopped up to wipe his mouth and cheeks. "...Could've done it myself..." he grumbled.

"Gonna have 'er dress ya too, Big Daddy?" Cottlin asked, grinning at Ralph. Crossing his arms, Ralph looked comically sullen following Cottlin's snarky comment, allowing the giggling girl to finish cleaning his chin.

"How did you and Ralph meet?" Felix asked politely, directing attention away from the wrecker. He knew Ralph didn't like to be the center of attention. Cottlin took a moment for his thoughts to gather, aiming Calhoun's gun by the sight at nothing in particular before setting it in his lap. "Well, he met me first. I'd heard all 'bout 'im from Nell before hand, so I tink I was more excited to see him den he was ta meet me," he replied.

"Well, you seem right nice to me. We're lucky Ralph ran inta ya." He smiled brightly as he said it, then patted Ralph's leg.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, finishing their supper. Ralph was already done, of course, and flopped back into the 8-bit grass, hands behind his head as he looked up into the endless night sky.  
Cottlin couldn't tear his eyes away from the pistol still in his lap, his eyes skimming every inch of the weapon. "You get to hold this everyday?" He asked.

"It's not all daisies and sunshine, Pudding Pop," Calhoun said. "I spend all day, every day dodging flying cockroaches from hell, hoping I don't tag one of my own men, all for the amusement of some pimply-faced moron who wants a worthless medal that they can't even keep." She held her hand out for the gun. "But if you want to take a couple shots we can head back to 'Hero's Duty' after this."

Cottlin's eyes widened. "Aaaiiiiii don't know 'bout dat. Giant flyin' cockroaches from hell? In person?" He carefully handed Calhoun's gun back to her.

"They're only out during game-play," she assured him. "We'll be shooting at targets."

"Don't force the boy into anything," Felix told her.

"Well in that case, force me! I would be so honored and _cranked_ to go shoot a few rounds With you!" He cheered, his tiny voice cracking, "As long as dem bugs don't infest us."

"Ralph and I have to get back to Sugar Rush," Vanellope said, hopping up. "He's gonna help me build a fort out of rock candy!"

Ralph sighed, his large chest moving up and down visibly. "Can't I rest for two seconds, Brat?"

"Nope! Let's go!" She hopped up and glitched her way to the tunnel to Game Central Station almost instantaneously. "Come join us later Cottlin," she called back as Ralph lumbered over.

"You're the boss, Big Daddy!" Cottlin said, then turned and yelled to Vanellope "I still say dat's cheating!"  
"_No it's nooooot_!" her voice echoed back from the dark tunnel. The blue flashes of light from her glitching slowly faded as they left.

"Could you two help me with the dishes before you head out, sweetie-pie?" Felix asked, piling up the dishes.

"Sure." She stood, gathering the edges of the blanket to slide it out from under the blue-haired racer and her husband, tied it all together, and threw the clattering bundle over her shoulder.

"Tammy, the china!"

"Just fix it later." She was up the stairs and back down in no time at all. "Come on, short stuff," she said, pulling out her hover board.

Cottlin's eyes bugged at the mechanism and he fell backwards, staring at it in awe. "Wha.. Is-is dat... Can you _fly _on dat?!" He shrieked, his voice cracking again.

"Calm down, soldier," she ordered. She stood on the platform and motioned for him to climb on beside her. "Hold on to my waist, Pudding Pop, here we go." They disappeared down the tunnel.


End file.
